Monday, November 28, 2011

To be hurt, angry, and need to bitch about it...

So, normally I consider myself strong and tend to be the shoulder that is cried upon instead of the crier who needs the shoulder. I don't need to cry but a hug might temper down the anger that has been born from the recent hurt caused by someone I thought was a dear & close friend.

Long story short… well as short as it could be. My close friend and his boyfriend returned to Fla. in Aug. while I was on vacation. I got a phone call basically telling me that they were going to be homeless in 2 days after their paid motel was up. I never hesitated. Told them both to go to my house, even though I wouldn't be home for another week.

Fast forward 3 weeks. Caught my friend's boyfriend physically abusing him. Well, that doesn't fly in my house and the boyfriend is lucky he didn't end up in my septic tank or that my Marine hubby didn't take him apart limb by limb. My friend said it was over and thanked me profusely for helping him end the relationship.

Fast forward to two weeks ago. I had a hysterectomy (maybe that's why I need a hug or just feel like something needs to be killed? Really leaning toward the killing…). I received many calls, tweets, txts, emails, and facebook msgs wishing me well or just inquiring if everything went okay. Some of the people who contacted me post-op were people I did not even realized thought of me as a friend enough to inquire. My friend, who was still living under my roof, who I really thought of as the closest thing to a best friend I had (which says a LOT if you know my friend pool… or maybe I should say friend puddle!), did not even bother to contact me after my surgery. After 5 days of being out of town at my mother's to recover and hurt from no msg from him (which hubby mentioned to my friend), I received a text from him saying he "didn't want to cause you (me) more stress." WTF does that mean? 3 days later when I came back home, he txt to ask if I was mad at him. I replied and told him I was hurt but that hurt was quickly turning to anger. This was last Sat. He apologized again… all was forgiven.

Fast forward to 3 days ago (Sat.). My friend was not home when I awoke which was not out of the norm. Late in the day I sent him a txt asking when he would be back since I wanted to change out the bed in the guest room (we put him on an air mattress and were moving in a 'real' bed for him.) A few hours go by and no answer so I called. Left a voicemail. He didn't come home Sat. night and when I mentioned moving the bed into the guest room to my daughter, she said she thought he moved out since he had a bag with him when he left. I was surprised to say the least! We checked the room and found a note thanking me and my husband for everything and informing us he was moving to Atlanta (where the ex is but not to be with the ex… yeah right, damn battered spouse syndrome at work here!… oh well not my problem.)

*takes a deep breath* Okay… let me be very clear here. I have been on the wrong end of an abusive relationship and thankfully was able to get out of it. I know while in it, I did stupid shit but I do not think that my friend being in that same shitty place as I once was, is enough of an excuse for what he has done to me. I mean, I let him live in my home for 4 months, 4!, for free and did not ask anything of him except that he get back on his feet again.

I guess that just makes me a sucker or a sap but is that really the case?
Is my friend just so blinded by his abusive ex (well, guess it won't be ex anymore!) that he really has no clue how shitty he's treated me?
Or, maybe I just expected the guy I knew, who was a close & dear friend four years ago, to be the same caring and loving friend that he once was.

Whatever…. I now realize this is why I have acquaintances in real life and only friends online. Online friends have never caused me such hurt but it never fails that every time, EVERYTIME! I extend a hand to a real life friend, they hurt me. In the end, it is my own fault for being originally hurt and now extremely pissed off. I go ALL in for anything I do, especially friendships. I think for now, I will just fold on the friendship deal and step away from the table for awhile…. and head to the bar for a drink and the acquaintances there who seem to care more for me than my ex-friend ever did.

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry you got your feelings hurt. Dealing with people (no matter how close) who are in toxic relationships and are not getting help is a lot like dealing with an alcoholic who just isn't drinking at the time. You can take the person out of the doesn't fix the person. You were lucky, I think, getting out and not being permanently damaged by the relationship. Your friend on the other hand may need more, before he is truly ready to give up the toxic relationships. Some people cant believe that they deserve to be treated well by others. They truly believe they do not deserve to have a healthy relationship. It took me forever to realize I was dating toxic people. And that I deserved someone special. It is sad when someone you care about is going thru this but there isnt much you can do about it.