Thursday, March 27, 2014

MegaCon Saturday Mayhem

Hello again my twisted lovelies!
As promised, the story of my MegaCon weekend continues with Saturday Mayhem!

So, as many of you know, I put out flavored condoms on my table when I go to conventions. It is a great marketing tool ("Come, touch, fondle, *waving at books* Free flavored condom?") and stops people in their tracks all the time. Plus, if I am going to write erotic romance, the least, the very least, I can do is promote safe sex. I am sure can already figure out where this is going...
David & I are sitting at our table and I am trying to lure the masses to stop and check out my books. These three kids, well guys really... in their late teens... stop when they hear my condom speal. Of course, the look on their faces is funny because the last thing I am sure they ever expected to see at MegaCon was a bunch of flavored condoms! The encounter went something like this:

Me: Go ahead, take one. They are free.
Guy #1: *peering into the box curiously* Are they really flavored?
Me: *grinning* Yep. Strawberry, banana, or vanilla.
Guy #1: *looks at guy #2 and #3 then back at the condoms before picking up a banana* Does it really taste like Banana?
Me: Yeah
Guy #1: *looking serious* Can I try it?
*Guys #2 and #3 eyes grow wide*
Me: Sure, if you want. (By this point David and I are trying not to laugh at the looks on these guys' faces.)
Guy #1: *rips open the condom*
Me: *to his friends* You should record this *snicker*

They just look at me then their friend as if we have both lost our minds. All I can do is laugh. The guy pulls the condom from the wrapper and is holding it between his fingers like he is trying not to touch it at all. I honestly got the impression he had never touched a condom before. So, he sticks his tongue out and scrunches his eyes closed tight and touches the condom to his tongue. The face he made was priceless. 

Guy #1: What do I do with it now?
Me: Well, you can either use it or give it to me to throw away. *I hold out my hand for the condom and the wrapper.*
Guy #1 hands me both and he and his friends move away. I couldn't hear what they said but the whole encounter was beyond amusing!

I am going to fast forward us to dinner at Denny's after the convention on Saturday. David and I had dinner with two of his former students who were at the convention. It's about 8:30 PM (keep this is mind!) and we are all still giddy-high from being at MegaCon all day. We tell the waitress separate checks and place our order. I am drinking coffee because my daily intake for the past two days was dangerously low. Now, I don't know if our waitress was just ditsy or if she was purposely fucking with us but the whole encounter felt like it should have happened at 4 AM instead of 8:30 PM. Several times, we would ask for something and the waitress would forget or bring something else entirely. For example:

Waitress: Do you need more creamer for your coffee?
Me: Yes, please.
Waitress: *hands me three splenda and walks away*
Me: *I look at the splenda and then at everyone else* Is it 3 AM and I am drunk or is she fucking with me? Didn't she ask if I wanted creamer?

Now, like I said, we were all riding the con high so this seemed ridiculously funny. The waitress came back two more times without the creamer before I had to remind her she was supposed to be bringing it to me. I half expected her to hand me more splenda! So, the check comes... just one check... and after arguing with Brandon about paying for dinner, I asked the waitress to bring my check separately. She does. We pay and she brings us our change but before she turns away, she says: "Have a good morning!"

Me: *Again, I look at everyone* She is definitely fucking with me!

Everyone laughed and agreed. The entire meal had the makings for a 4 AM Denny's run after the bar closed just without the alcohol and buzz!

Leap forward again... David and I return to our hotel. I decide that after the crazy ordeal at Denny's that I deserve a beer to unwind so I leave David to his own devices in the room and head down to the hotel bar. Remember, this is the same hotel that didn't have light bulbs in our room so when I say 'bar' I am using the term loosely. Yes, there was a pool table, a bar, and a few stools. Apparently, it was Karaoke night too. Now, many of you know, I do Karaoke (well at least go to Karaoke...I only 'do' Karaoke when I am too drunk to know any better!) so this was not really a big deal for me. But not only was it Karaoke in the hotel bar (likely the only bar around for miles!) but it was Country Karaoke. This is important because without this little tidbit of knowledge, what I tell you next won't be nearly as funny.

Since there was no smoking in the bar, I sat outside at a plastic table. I am minding my own business, smoking, drinking my second beer, and playing catch up on Facebook, when the only guy who has been singing since I arrived goes from Digging Up Bones by Randy Travis to V.I.C.'s Wobble Baby . Now, if you have never heard Wobble before... STOP RIGHT NOW and go watch the video. I'll wait.....

Okay, now that you are back... think about what you just watched and heard. Ok, now, think about that being done at karaoke with a country twang! Needless to say, my head whipped up and around because I needed my eyes to verify what my ears were hearing! Yep, my ears weren't deceiving me. Just when I thought things could not get any funnier, they did. There were two extremely hefty and energetic girls and another one who was twig thin, moving to the very small open space. Yes, they were wobbling. I am not sure which hurt more, my eyes or ears but  it was like watching a train wreck. I could not look away. 

So, my MegaCon Saturday ended with a very bizarre experience that I hope to never repeat. On that note, here is another give-a-way for stopping by. Until next time, Enjoy!

Monday, March 24, 2014

Another MegaCon Orlando Over & Done

Hello my twisted & kinky lovelies! 
Another MegaCon Orlando is over *pout* and I am now suffering Con-Drop! For those of you who may not know what Con-Drop is, well, it is basically the crash after the convention when you need to recuperate. Think, needing a vacation after your vacation and you will get the jist.
So, every convention, I write a little blog to recap my experience. Usually, it is just to thank fans and plug friends that I only get to see at these conventions. However, this convention had so many quirky things happen that I just have to share them with you! 
My friend & fellow author, David Berger, and I decided to split the costs of the convention by sharing a table and hotel room. That being said, I am breaking down the amusing antics by day and I hope you find them as funny as we did.

  • Friday (MegaCon day 1)
The first day of the convention is always crazy! Finding the convention hall (it was moved to a different hall than last year) and trying to figure out where to pick up my badge was the first order of the day. Nothing funny about that, I know. So, I am going to fast forward a bit. David and I went to Paul Vincenti's 'Nearly Annual MegaCon Artists Party' where of course we had great food and even better company. Our friend Bill Hatfield actually made the party this year and hanging out with him is always a blast. (Friend plugs that I warned you about). We also met some other great people but nothing really quirky happened at Paul's place. The funny shit didn't start until we checked into the hotel.
To save money, we went cheap. $50 a night cheap and about a 35 min drive (20-25 the way I drive) from the convention center. Anyway, we get to the hotel around 9:30 and I check us in. As I am being checked in, I notice a sign on the wall that says, "No refunds after 10 min checked in." I told you we went cheap. Up to the room we go and this is where the Con high must have been affecting us.
I open the door, David follows me in and hits the light switch next to the door. Nothing happens. I walk over to the light and try the knob under the shade. Again, nothing happens. No biggie, I think as I walk to the lights between the beds. I try the switch there just as the door closes behind David. Nothing happens and we are plunged into pitch darkness. The conversations went something like this:

David: Light?
Me: There's no light. Open the door.
David reopens the door
I turn the knobs again (as if they will miraculously work now that there is light pouring in from the hall... maybe the lamps just needed to be reminded of their job?) 
Me: Maybe light isn't included in the price?
David and I laugh and he looks under the lamp shade the wall switch should have worked on while I am checking to see if the light bulbs are loose in the bed lamps.
David: *laughs* There's no light bulb.
Me: *laughs* None here either. Did we have to pay extra for light bulbs?
Now, keep in mind, we are riding the first day Con high, as well as, being tired from a long day. So, for some reason this was slightly hilarious to us.
Me: *still chuckling* I'll call down. I pick up the phone, press 0 and it rings and rings and rings. I think we needed to pay more for desk service, too!

We both break out into giggles again and I tell David about the sign behind the desk and another one that said they had no vacancy. So, we hustle down to the desk in search of light bulbs. At the desk, the conversation goes something like this.

Me: *still stupidly giddy*  Excuse me. We just checked into room 226 (like he wouldn't remember because the place was being overrun with checkin's <---- that's sarcasm) and there are no light bulbs in our room.
Clerk: (who I will mention is from India) *looks confused or dumbstruck*  No light bulbs?
By-Stander in Lobby: (who I later found out lived at the hotel.... remember I told you we went cheap!) *tries to be helpful* Did you flick the switch?
Me: Yeah, there's no light bulbs.
By-Stander: Did you check if they were plugged in?
Now, I must have been really stoned on the high from the first day because the normal me would have replied with something like 'do I look like I work here?' But instead, the giddy me who thought all of this was just too funny, responded differently.
Me: There's no light. If we could just get some light bulbs, I think we'd be good.
Clerk: I'll send someone with light bulbs. *he makes the call and sounds confused while making the request for light bulbs to be delivered to 226.*

David and I return to 226 laughing the whole way and making jokes about how desperate the last person who stayed in the room had to have been to steal the light bulbs and giggling about this is what we get for going cheap. Now, as we are standing in our room, door now propped open with my boots, a short Grizzly Adam's looking man comes out of the room across the hall from us holding 3 light bulbs. He startles when he sees us and for a moment he looks just as confused as the clerk downstairs. David and I share a look and big goofy grins. For the life of us, we don't know why this is all so funny, but it is. Anyway, Grizzly-light-bulb man comes into the room and flicks the switch.

Me: There's no bulb. *snicker*
Grizzly-light-bulb man: *grunt* Weird.

I desperately wanted to say, "You think?" but bit my tongue while he screwed in the bulb. Whoa-la! Light! David and I dumped our overnight bags on the beds and watched at Grizzly-light-bulb man put bulbs in the other lamps. They still didn't work so he moved the bed and did something back there before they finally turned on. I would like to say he just plugged them in, but when he stood back up, he had some sort of cords in his hand. I really don't want to think about what they were or where they came from (fire hazard and all that, I am sure). So, Grizzly-light-bulb man leaves and David and I are still laughing because this is just too funny (at least to us!)

This was our adventure for Friday night. There is more to come for Saturday (condom tasting and a crazy waitress) but I will save that for a post later this week since this one ran so long. To make reading this, which was surely more hilarious to us than is being conveyed here, worth your time, I am going to do a give-a-way.


Sunday, March 16, 2014

Task Force Gaea - Memory's Curse Book #2

Tour Schedule

Series: Task Force Gaea
Book #2

For Aegis, Zodiak, Aether, and Talon, operatives in the United Nations Task Force: Gaea, life should have returned to normal after they restored the cosmic balance that a reckless elder goddess shattered, but because of the intervention of the Fates, they would never remember what life was like before. With history now unfolding the way it was supposed to, paranoia plagues this new time line, and tight-fisted governments mandate control through a pervasive military presence, DNA scans, and surveillance cameras.

Inexplicable occurrences all over the world give way to a new mission for Task Force: Gaea when an ancient cloudlike evil referred to in prophecy only as The Nebulous One emerges from Tartaros, with the intention of devouring the Olympian gods. But, before she can find them, all of the gods but Apollo have disappeared.

Leaving chaos and human corpses in her wake, she oozes her way across the globe to satisfy her hunger. Apollo will not face this threat alone, and it then becomes a race: will he and Task Force: Gaea find and vanquish this primordial goddess without falling prey to her power before she finds the gods?

Aegis and his teammates, perhaps as a side effect of their encounters with The Nebulous One, have to battle personal demons in the form of potent memories that could jeopardize their mission’s success, seemingly insurmountable obstacles that could indeed mean the end of their team.

Starting in antiquity and moving to the modern day, this epic battle between good and evil leaves both immortal and mortal alike wondering whether memory can be a blessing… or a curse.

Buy the Book

Amazon | Smashwords | BN

David Berger

Boston born, I grew up on Long Island in New York, and have my B.A. in English with a Master's in Secondary Education. I currently teach AP English Literature, IB English, and Creative Writing in Land O' Lakes, FL. My avid appreciation for fantasy fiction came from a childhood love of Greek mythology and comic books, especially Wonder Woman. Stemming from this literary love affair, I published my first novel, Task Force: Gaea—Finding Balance, in February 2012.

In addition to my fantasy writing, I have written poetry, much of which was influenced by my travels abroad, namely to Ireland. My hibernophilia extends not only to a great love of the Emerald Isle itself, but also to the writers who hail from there, namely W. B. Yeats, and I studied this poet in a National Endowment for the Arts fellowship at the National University of Ireland in Galway in 2005.

Additionally, I have traveled to Spain, France, and England—all with trips I have led with students—and hope to show more of my students what the world beyond Florida looks like.

I'm "living the dream," as it were, and I love life—I just hope it loves me in return. I reside in Land O' Lakes, FL with my partner of 13 years, Gavi, and our two cats, Yankel and Shayna.

Official Author Website  |  Series Website  |  Series Facebook Page  |  Twitter  |  Goodreads


$15 or Gift Card or Paypal Cash. E-books & paperbacks prizes. Ends 03/31/2014. Open only to those who can legally enter, receive and use an or Gift Code or Paypal Cash. Winning Entry will be verified prior to prize being awarded. No purchase necessary. You must be 18 or older to enter or have your parent enter for you. The winner will be chosen by rafflecopter and announced here as well as emailed and will have 48 hours to respond or a new winner will be chosen. This giveaway is in no way associated with Facebook, Twitter, Rafflecopter or any other entity unless otherwise specified. The number of eligible entries received determines the odds of winning. Giveaway was organized by Kisha from Indie Hoopla Services & Promotions, and sponsored by the author. VOID WHERE PROHIBITED BY LAW.

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Tuesday, March 4, 2014

I'm a Writer on the Edge Again!!

Hello my lovelies! 

Once again, I have been asked to appear on Writers on the Edge! This is one of my favorite web radio stations and I love it when they ask me to stop by!

So, here are the details - March 6, 2014 at 11 PM EST
Where to go? Click HERE
(Look for my name then follow the link!)
What to do? Listen in or if you are really brave, call in with a question!!
(The info to do so will be on your screen!!)

We will be talking about all kinds of stuff! From writing (of course) to BDSM (flogger or a whip? - I think this is my favorite question *wink*) So, tune in and see what I have been up to. If you miss the live broadcast, there will be a link to the show on my website under "About" where all my interviews can be found!!

I hope you will join me!!