Thursday, March 27, 2014

MegaCon Saturday Mayhem

Hello again my twisted lovelies!
As promised, the story of my MegaCon weekend continues with Saturday Mayhem!

So, as many of you know, I put out flavored condoms on my table when I go to conventions. It is a great marketing tool ("Come, touch, fondle, *waving at books* Free flavored condom?") and stops people in their tracks all the time. Plus, if I am going to write erotic romance, the least, the very least, I can do is promote safe sex. I am sure can already figure out where this is going...
David & I are sitting at our table and I am trying to lure the masses to stop and check out my books. These three kids, well guys really... in their late teens... stop when they hear my condom speal. Of course, the look on their faces is funny because the last thing I am sure they ever expected to see at MegaCon was a bunch of flavored condoms! The encounter went something like this:

Me: Go ahead, take one. They are free.
Guy #1: *peering into the box curiously* Are they really flavored?
Me: *grinning* Yep. Strawberry, banana, or vanilla.
Guy #1: *looks at guy #2 and #3 then back at the condoms before picking up a banana* Does it really taste like Banana?
Me: Yeah
Guy #1: *looking serious* Can I try it?
*Guys #2 and #3 eyes grow wide*
Me: Sure, if you want. (By this point David and I are trying not to laugh at the looks on these guys' faces.)
Guy #1: *rips open the condom*
Me: *to his friends* You should record this *snicker*

They just look at me then their friend as if we have both lost our minds. All I can do is laugh. The guy pulls the condom from the wrapper and is holding it between his fingers like he is trying not to touch it at all. I honestly got the impression he had never touched a condom before. So, he sticks his tongue out and scrunches his eyes closed tight and touches the condom to his tongue. The face he made was priceless. 

Guy #1: What do I do with it now?
Me: Well, you can either use it or give it to me to throw away. *I hold out my hand for the condom and the wrapper.*
Guy #1 hands me both and he and his friends move away. I couldn't hear what they said but the whole encounter was beyond amusing!

I am going to fast forward us to dinner at Denny's after the convention on Saturday. David and I had dinner with two of his former students who were at the convention. It's about 8:30 PM (keep this is mind!) and we are all still giddy-high from being at MegaCon all day. We tell the waitress separate checks and place our order. I am drinking coffee because my daily intake for the past two days was dangerously low. Now, I don't know if our waitress was just ditsy or if she was purposely fucking with us but the whole encounter felt like it should have happened at 4 AM instead of 8:30 PM. Several times, we would ask for something and the waitress would forget or bring something else entirely. For example:

Waitress: Do you need more creamer for your coffee?
Me: Yes, please.
Waitress: *hands me three splenda and walks away*
Me: *I look at the splenda and then at everyone else* Is it 3 AM and I am drunk or is she fucking with me? Didn't she ask if I wanted creamer?

Now, like I said, we were all riding the con high so this seemed ridiculously funny. The waitress came back two more times without the creamer before I had to remind her she was supposed to be bringing it to me. I half expected her to hand me more splenda! So, the check comes... just one check... and after arguing with Brandon about paying for dinner, I asked the waitress to bring my check separately. She does. We pay and she brings us our change but before she turns away, she says: "Have a good morning!"

Me: *Again, I look at everyone* She is definitely fucking with me!

Everyone laughed and agreed. The entire meal had the makings for a 4 AM Denny's run after the bar closed just without the alcohol and buzz!

Leap forward again... David and I return to our hotel. I decide that after the crazy ordeal at Denny's that I deserve a beer to unwind so I leave David to his own devices in the room and head down to the hotel bar. Remember, this is the same hotel that didn't have light bulbs in our room so when I say 'bar' I am using the term loosely. Yes, there was a pool table, a bar, and a few stools. Apparently, it was Karaoke night too. Now, many of you know, I do Karaoke (well at least go to Karaoke...I only 'do' Karaoke when I am too drunk to know any better!) so this was not really a big deal for me. But not only was it Karaoke in the hotel bar (likely the only bar around for miles!) but it was Country Karaoke. This is important because without this little tidbit of knowledge, what I tell you next won't be nearly as funny.

Since there was no smoking in the bar, I sat outside at a plastic table. I am minding my own business, smoking, drinking my second beer, and playing catch up on Facebook, when the only guy who has been singing since I arrived goes from Digging Up Bones by Randy Travis to V.I.C.'s Wobble Baby . Now, if you have never heard Wobble before... STOP RIGHT NOW and go watch the video. I'll wait.....

Okay, now that you are back... think about what you just watched and heard. Ok, now, think about that being done at karaoke with a country twang! Needless to say, my head whipped up and around because I needed my eyes to verify what my ears were hearing! Yep, my ears weren't deceiving me. Just when I thought things could not get any funnier, they did. There were two extremely hefty and energetic girls and another one who was twig thin, moving to the very small open space. Yes, they were wobbling. I am not sure which hurt more, my eyes or ears but  it was like watching a train wreck. I could not look away. 

So, my MegaCon Saturday ended with a very bizarre experience that I hope to never repeat. On that note, here is another give-a-way for stopping by. Until next time, Enjoy!

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